Inner Compass Coaching - finding and following your true north

June 25, 2004

In this issue:
I. Extending Your Boundaries
II. How to Keep Clients Happy When You're on Vacation
II. From behind the barn door…

I. Extending Your Boundaries

I'm working with a couple of clients on building their Personal Freedom, and one of the areas we're working on now is about extending boundaries. I think most people who have done some personal growth work understand the basics about setting boundaries, but the idea of extending your boundaries is a bit more involved. It actually means to make them bigger, to push them out further away from you (I call this your magic bubble), so as to give yourself the space and time to really be able to deal with those who are pushing against them.

For example, I have a boundary about people who don't know me touching me. Still, I found that I would allow some people to break through that boundary (my magic bubble) depending on who they were and the situation. It would make me uncomfortable and set me up for further bubble-breaking in the future. So I had to extend my boundary. Now, when someone gets too close, I gently move away, creating a large distance between us. Or if someone moves to touch me or hug me whom I don't want to, I will again move enough away to send a message that it's not ok (most people do get the message and respect it), or I will put my hand out for a nice firm handshake before they can make a move, all the while smiling and being gracious. Now, once I know someone, I'm completely open to affection and I show quite a bit of it myself, as I am one of those people who likes to touch when I talk, but I try to be respectful of others in the same way I'd like them to be respectful of me.

By the time someone encroaches on your boundaries, which most people already have too close (for fear of displeasing someone, for appearing standoffish, etc.), you're already in a state of panic and anxiety. By extending (or expanding) your boundaries, you are giving yourself more room to respond instead of react.

No, the process doesn't happen overnight, but if you keep at it, you'll be amazed at what extending your boundaries can do for your peace of mind and sense of contentment over putting yourself first. This is not selfish, it is self-care.

A key point: If you have boundaries, you don't need walls. Try it and let me know how you make out.

II. How to Keep Clients Happy When You're on Vacation

When you have an office in your home, you may have a tendency to work more hours than the regular 9 to 5'er. But now that the summer season is upon us, and you know how important it is to take time off to refresh and recharge, you want to be able to escape to enjoy some sunshine without worrying that your clients will feel as though you abandoned them. The following suggestions will help keep your clients feeling connected to you, even when you may be hanging out by the pool enjoying a well deserved iced tea.

Plan Ahead: The further in advance you plan your time off, the earlier you can let your clients know when you won't be immediately available. Once a year, I plan my vacation time for the following year. This way my clients know exactly the weeks I'm going to be off. This way, they can make sure they address any pressing issues with me before I will be away. They also know that they can continue to send emails during my absence and that I will response as soon as possible upon my return.

Plan with Integrity: If a client asks you to do something during your time off, simply say, "I'll be out of town that week." And leave it at that. Again, if you've shared your calendar with them beforehand, they should be well aware and therefore these types of requests should be minimal.

Plan to Delegate: If your clients have requests, particularly ones they feel are urgent, you can keep them happy by having someone as backup support. If you have an assistant, make sure your respective scheduled time offs don't overlap, and plan a meeting prior to your vacation to go over any necessary tasks and responses you expect of him or her in dealing with your clients while you are away. If you don't have an assistant, you may know someone in your industry who you'd be happy to refer a client to in the case of an emergency. At the very least, leave a message on your voicemail as well set up an autoresponse on your email to let your clients know that you're out of the office, but will return on such and such a date, and will respond asap upon your return.

Plan to Limit New Intake: Make certain that you plan on not taking on any new clients just before you take some time off. You won't have the time to cultivate the new relationship, and it will add undue stress to wrapping things up cleanly before you go.

Plan to share your time off/summer hours: If you are planning to take a few long weekends, or to take a certain day off each week for the summer months, make that announcement to your clients, again in advance.

If you follow the strategies above, your clients will be happy to allow you the time off you need. You've shown them respect by informing them of when you will not be available, have provided backup support if possible, and they know you will be there for them once again upon your return. In fact, most clients will have more respect for you because you do take time away.

So do make sure you truly take the time off you need. Try to avoid answering emails or listening to voice messages while you are taking time off. If you do return messages, you'll give your clients the idea that you are always available, which will only cause you more stress and likely cause you to get burned out. You'll be more energized and better equipped to be of service to your clients once you have taken time off and taken care of yourself. Give yourself this gift, and your clients will benefit, too!

III. From behind the barn door…

My brother and his wife had a baby girl last week, Elsa Amanda, and I am not only the proud aunt, but a proud godmother as well. This is the first grandchild for our parents, so they are besides themselves with joy... :)

Between visiting them and the cottage at the lake, James and I have been very busy trying to actually squeeze work in, but we are having a good time. We're heading back to NH for the holiday weekend, and my fingers are crossed for lots of sun. Sometimes I feel like I just don't get enough done during the week, but I just love my life and if some things take longer than planned, so be it. I'll have no regrets about enjoying time with my loved ones over working (even though I do love my work!).

I've been writing a column for our local paper here, and one of the items submitted for publication was that the area seniors held a birthday party for Helen, who turned 100. "Helen couldn't make it, but we had a party and had a great time anyway!" Hilarious. See, our elders know how to enjoy life... :) Oh, and just for the record, they did bring Helen a piece of her birthday cake.

Cheers ~
Alicia

Alicia Forest is a Personal & Business Coach serving entrepreneurs and small business owners in their desire to create a successful business, by their definition of success. Her coaching programs are delivered by means of quarterly teleworkshops, monthly teleconference calls, email and telephone.

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